Have you ever met someone you felt like was always blaming someone or something for their problems? Maybe people have told them to stop playing the “blame game.” Well, the words “blame” and “game” should never be joined together. It’s not a game and no one ever wins when someone plays the victim all the time. The biggest loser of all is the one who’s blaming others.

When we blame others, we lose our power. Remaining stuck in our feelings of anger, resentment or abandonment only hurts us, not the other person. They eventually move on (seemingly none the wiser and no more worse for the wear) while we continue our lives feeling mad at the entire world and everyone in it.

If you feel like you’re stuck in the blame game, or people tell you that you are, here’s why you need to stop – now.


Blaming prevents us from from personal growth

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Blaming others for your problems doesn’t give you the opportunity to learn and grow from the challenges you face in life. It just keeps you stagnant.


When we’re busy blaming others for our trials and tribulations, it keeps us from paying attention to our own behaviors and how they may have contributed to the “wrong” that was done to us. Ruminating and obsessing all the time about others in such a negative way does not give us the opportunity to personally reflect and take stock in who we are and how we have moved through life.

When you stop playing the blame game, you give yourself the time and space to grow as a person.


Your reality becomes distorted

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Blaming others eventually leads to a lonely existence.


Living life as a victim means living in a distorted reality, and that is crippling. When you exist in a perpetual state of blame, your thought patterns become a jumbled mess. You may even develop sleep issues.

The result is your world becomes distorted and your ability to think, reason, and interact with others is negatively impacted. All of this rage has to go somewhere, and, though you don’t mean to, you begin directing it at friends and family members who have done nothing wrong.

If not dealt with, blaming others ultimately leads to a lonely existence as most of your relationships are destroyed and people continue to distance themselves more and more from you.


We lose our freedom & Control

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When you’re blaming everything else for your problems you have no control over anything and life is happening TO you, not FOR you.


Personal freedom is the key to a happy life. We all want to be free to do what we want for a living, love who we want, live where we want and vacation when we want.

What victims they don’t realize is that blaming others takes away personal freedom.

Blame is the master and we are a slave. IT calls the shots, not us. IT tells us we must be miserable and resentful and angry all of the time. IT tells us to be tired and stressed and hopeless.

When we stop blaming others, we begin to free ourselves from the chains that bind us and keep us from pursuing the life that we want.

Blaming is like sugar: you may think it tastes delicious and love the high you get, but ultimately it ruins your health and makes you very sick. If you feel like you’re constantly a victim of life, or if life is happening to you (not for you), there’s a very good chance you’re caught in the trap of blaming others for your problems. If this sounds and feels familiar, find an awesome therapist you like and trust to help you take back control and get back in the driver’s seat of life.


James Killian, LPC is the Principal Therapist & Owner of Arcadian Counseling in New Haven, CT where they specialize in helping over-thinkers, high achievers, and perfectionists reduce stress, increase fulfillment and enhance performance so they can move From Surviving To Thriving.