With many relationships, as time passes, the “newness” and “butterflies” gives way to routine – is often the natural course of things. For many, it seems you typically know what to expect from your partner, and sometimes it feels like you’ve heard all their stories. And while your love for your partner has grown and matured along with you and your relationship, it’s not uncommon that the once a fiery passion may have fizzled out over the years.

So how do you get romance back into your sex life?

All relationships takes work. And every aspect of most relationships need love and attention. Romance, intimacy, connectedness is no exception. So if you’re looking for ways to stoke the fire of romance with your spouse or significant other, below are some tips that can help.

Listen More, Talk Less


If you want to get romance back into your sex life, listen with the intent to understand – not respond. You’ll be amazed at the results.

A healthy sexual relationship is built on emotional intimacy and closeness. So if you want to enhance your physical relationship, you need to first work on your emotional connection. Start focusing your attention on meeting your partner’s needs and communicating your own needs in a loving, respectful way.

While this may seem challenging, or evening daunting for many, it’s really quite simple. Just make an effort to ask more questions, and really listen to your partner’s responses with interest. Ask how their day was, probe them about their interests, and talk to them as you would if you were getting to know a new friend.

Don’t UnderValue the IMportance of Touch


If you want to get romance back into your sex life, use touch as a way to connect with your partner.

Physical touch is a form of non-verbal communication that satisfies the desire for a physical connection. A lack of physical touch is often construed as a lack of physical affection, which often significantly decreases one satisfaction in their relationship.

Holding hands, hugs, and tender touch are great ways to affirm your love for your partner. Physical affection sets the stage for sexual touch that is focused on pleasure. Show your partner affection by making an effort to touch your partner’s skin through a hug, a touch of their arm, hand or back. Hold hands and kiss more often.

Try New Activities Together


Exploring new and exciting adventures with your partner is a great way to get romance back into your sex life.

No matter how long you’ve been with your partner, there are bound to be things you’ve wanted to do together that you haven’t gotten around to. Or perhaps there are things you’d love to try that you never thought of before, if only you could discover them.

Whether it’s joining a hiking group, trying a new wine bar, or exploring your sexual fantasies, engaging in new and different activities together is a great way to get romance back into your sex life.

Revisit the Past


Connecting over shared memories is another great way to get romance back into your sex life.

Take a weekend trip to your honeymoon spot, revisit the place where you had your first date, where you got engaged or your old stomping grounds. Revisiting familiar places when you were just getting to know each other will help remind you both of the how’s and why’s of your love story.

Keep in mind that relationships are never perfect, and it’s perfectly natural to have ups and downs. If you’re going through a difficult time, know that things can improve. With love, trust, and hard work, you can get your relationship with your partner back on the right track.

If you and your partner are struggling to get the spark back into the bedroom, find an awesome therapist you like and trust to help you reconnect.

James Killian, LPC is the Principal Therapist & Owner of Arcadian Counseling in Greater New Haven, CT where they specialize in helping over-thinkers, high achievers, and perfectionists reduce stress, increase fulfillment and enhance performance so they can move From Surviving To Thriving.