You tell your kids to manage their emotions.
You tell your team to take breaks.
You tell your wife you’re listening.
Meanwhile you’re emotionally checked out, sleep-deprived, glued to your phone, and you haven’t taken a real breath since 2009.
So what happens when you finally catch yourself in the mirror and think:
“Damn. I think I’m kind of full of it.”
Welcome to the club.
Let’s talk about what to do when you realize you’re a hypocrite – and why that moment of discomfort is actually your gateway to real growth.
First: Take a Breath. This Is more common than you think.
Here’s a hard truth no one wants to admit:
We’re all hypocrites.
Every single one of us.
The dad who yells “CALM DOWN!”
The boss who preaches balance but answers emails at midnight.
The guy who says “family first” but hasn’t made eye contact with his kid all week.
If you’re realizing you’re not who you thought you were, good. That means you’re waking up.
Hypocrisy isn’t a death sentence for your character – it’s a red flag that your actions don’t match your values.
And guess what? That’s fixable.
Why REalizing you’re a hypocrite Hurts So Much
High performers hate inconsistency. We pride ourselves on discipline, control, and doing things right.
So when our behavior slips out of alignment with our values, it hits like a gut punch.
You don’t just feel guilt – you feel shame.
And shame whispers, “You’re a fraud. A fake. You talk the talk, but look at you.”
That’s the cognitive dissonance that drives people to numb out, overwork, or self-medicate. Because facing that gap between who you want to be and who you are?
That’s painful.
But here’s the truth:
Living out of alignment with your values doesn’t make you broken.
It makes you human. And it gives you something to work with.
How to Deal With Being a Hypocrite
1. Own It Without the Meltdown
You contradicted yourself. You violated your own code.
Cool. Welcome to being a grown man with responsibilities and complexity.
Don’t over-explain or spiral into self-loathing. Just say:
“This is something I did. It’s not who I am. I can course-correct.”
That’s what emotional growth for men actually looks like. No hashtags required.
2. Revisit Your Core Values
Hypocrisy is like a smoke alarm – it goes off when something meaningful is out of alignment.
So ask yourself:
- “What value did I claim to live by?”
- “Where am I falling short?”
- “What am I afraid will happen if I actually live it?”
This isn’t about perfection – it’s about integrity and self-awareness.
3. Take One Real Step Back Into Alignment
Forget the 30-day plan or public declarations.
Just do one small thing that reflects who you say you are:
- Put your phone down at dinner.
- Actually take that day off.
- Say “I was wrong” without needing to defend yourself.
Remember: consistency builds credibility – both with others, and with yourself.
The Upside of Owning Your Hypocrisy
When you stop pretending to have it all figured out, people stop expecting you to.
And that’s where freedom lives.
You build trust, respect, and authentic connection when you walk your talk – even after you’ve caught yourself slipping.
And here’s the kicker:
What you think will make you look weak actually makes you look real.
And real is magnetic. It draws people in and builds real connection.
Ready to Stop Living Out of Alignment With Your Values?
If you’ve been wrestling with who you say you are vs. how you’re actually showing up – don’t keep managing it alone.
I help high-performing men like you get honest, realigned, and unstuck.
This isn’t about perfection. It’s about becoming the kind of man you actually respect.
👉 Book a free consultation and take the first step toward living like the man you want to be.
James Killian, LPC is the owner of Arcadian Counseling, a private practice in Greater New Haven, CT, specializing in helping over-thinkers, high achievers, and perfectionists reduce stress, increase fulfillment, and enhance performance — so they can move From Surviving to Thriving. He primarily works with professional men navigating high-pressure careers and meaningful life transitions. His approach blends psychological insight with real-world experience to support men in reclaiming clarity, strength, and purpose.