Eventually life slows down and we have more time to reflect on who we’ve become and where we seem to be headed. Many people start looking around at their life and noticing what is and isn’t working. Then comes the realization that life is finite, and the clock is ticking.
For many, that realization brings on anxiety and a midlife crisis.
Some may be dealing with teenagers they don’t recognize, a divorce, or the ending of a long relationship. Others might be facing illness or the loss of someone close. Some realize their career isn’t what they really want. For women it might be the onset of menopause. For men it might be realizing we aren’t the man we want to be.
We’ve likely been so busy building financial stability and security, keeping up with the Joneses, and pleasing everyone around us, that we haven’t always made decisions based on our own interests.
Maybe we find ourselves lost, unable to recognize our lives as anything close to what we once imagined.
Common signs of a midlife crisis
Mood swings: Those experiencing a midlife crisis can seem highly temperamental, becoming angry or irritable without much justification.
Depression and anxiety: A midlife crisis can leave you feeling sad, restless, agitated, or just plain miserable.
Sleeplessness or oversleeping: Depression, anxiety, and a constant racing mind can wreck your sleep.
An obsession with appearances: Those going through a midlife crisis often feel the need to stay attractive to others and go to great lengths to try.
Increased drug or alcohol use: Middle-aged adults often turn to drugs or alcohol to mask what they’re feeling and self-medicate.
Feeling stuck in a rut: Those going through a midlife crisis often feel stuck, in a bad job, a bad marriage, a bad situation, with no way out.
Thoughts of death or dying: A midlife crisis can cause people to think obsessively about their own mortality.
Relentless life evaluation: Patterns of thinking about your life that become obsessive and ruminating.
Impulsiveness: Sudden large purchases, or abrupt changes like ending a relationship out of nowhere.
How To Cope With a Midlife Crisis
A midlife crisis is often simply a wake-up call that you need to start taking better care of yourself.
Everyone runs into hard stretches in midlife, same as any other phase of life. But not every hard stretch is an actual crisis. Something difficult that gets managed and moved through will naturally bring some sadness and anger with it.
A midlife crisis is different. It brings on negative thoughts and new emotions that feel overwhelming and threatening, and it almost always involves ongoing depression and or anxiety.
1. Embrace Your Creative Side
Everyone has a creative side. Most of us just ignore it, telling ourselves we don’t have the time or we’re not talented enough. Tapping into your creativity is one of the best ways to reconnect with yourself.
Start viewing your life as one big art project and do something to feed it.
Write in a journal. Not sure what to write? Start a memoir. Write your grandparent’s biography. Free associate and be amazed at what’s actually bouncing around in your head. Learn to paint. Take surf lessons.
Embracing your creative side can bring real joy, and it keeps your brain young, active, and more resistant to dementia and Alzheimer’s down the road.
2. Mindful Meditation
Meditation has been shown to reduce anxiety and depression symptoms, sharpen focus, build self-awareness, and improve physical health.
You don’t have to clear your mind or chant a phrase sitting cross-legged on the floor. Mindful meditation is just the act of becoming aware of your own thoughts through reflection. Once you get the hang of it, you can do it anywhere, for two minutes or an hour.
For some quick tips to get started check out How Meditation Can Help Manage Stress & Anxiety.
3. Make Some Changes
Midlife is an opportunity to make some changes. It could be as simple as painting a room in your house, or as big as finally getting in shape, cutting an unhealthy friendship loose, or making the career change you’ve been daydreaming about.
This is the time to start making choices based on your own needs, not everyone else’s. That’s hard for a lot of people, guilt creeps in, you start feeling selfish. If that’s you, it’s probably time to take a look at your boundaries.
If someone in your life has a problem with you finally acting in your own best interest, they probably weren’t acting in yours either.For more help, check out How To Set Healthy Boundaries.
4. Practice Gratitude
Every morning while you wait for the coffee to brew, spend two minutes writing down three things you’re grateful for. They can be small, a good sunset, your partner, that moment with your kid yesterday that caught you off guard in a good way.
Stick with it once it stops being quick and easy and starts requiring actual thought. That’s when your thought patterns start to shift. Quit when it gets hard and nothing changes.
Tell someone you love how much you appreciate them. Build a random act of kindness into your day. Volunteer somewhere that lines up with what you actually value. Compliment your partner. Say thank you for the small things they do for you.
Shifting your mindset toward gratitude might be one of the most significant changes you make in your life, but it only works if you actually do the things above, consistently, until they stop feeling like an assignment and start feeling like you.
5. Steer Clear of Social Media
When was the last time you felt good after spending time on social media?
It’s no secret that overusing it can lead to depression, anxiety, envy, and feelings of hopelessness. It’s also usually a complete waste of time.
Imagine what you could get done instead of scrolling through the highlight reel of everyone else’s life.
Read a book. Do five minutes of deep, mindful breathing. Review your goals. Call the friend or family member you’ve been meaning to call.
When was the last time you set the phone down after scrolling and actually felt optimistic, hopeful, or motivated?
6. Hang Out With Like-Minded People
Social interaction is key to a happy and healthy life.
Social connection is key to a happy, healthy life.
But a lot of us spend most of our adult lives around people we don’t particularly like or feel aligned with, coworkers, the parents of our kids’ friends. Now’s the time to surround yourself with people who actually support you, inspire you, and share your interests.
Reconnect with old friends. Get involved in community activities that genuinely interest you, you’ll meet like-minded people that way. Not sure where to start? Check out Meetup.com for ideas.
A midlife crisis doesn’t have to be a crisis at all. It can be a chance to take control and make different choices. If you’ve tried these things and still find yourself at a crossroads, find a therapist you actually click with to help you carve out a path to the next chapter.
James Killian, LPC is the Principal Therapist & Owner of Arcadian Counseling in New Haven, CT where they specialize in helping over-thinkers, high achievers, and perfectionists reduce stress, increase fulfillment and enhance performance so they can move From Surviving To Thriving.