For better or worse. For many people, those words are easy to say at the time, but when worse gets really bad, many couples are ready to throw in the towel. This is often because they didn’t seek couples counseling in time and instead let things get out of hand.
The stigma of couples counseling
It’s not easy to make the decision to go to couples counseling because it means you have to face your problems and admit your relationship is on shaky ground. That can be uncomfortable to admit for some people. It’s not dissimilar to thinking something may be wrong with your health, but you’re too scared to face the music and so you ignore the symptoms and guess what? They get worse!
Beyond having to admit you and your partner have problems, there may also be the discomfort of not being familiar with the therapy process. No doubt it can feel a bit awkward sitting down with a total stranger and sharing personal information about your relationship.
For these reasons, way too many couples just let their marriage issues sit on the back burner, just percolating. But the better option is to address the problems head-on when the first begin.
Common relationship issues that often require couples counseling
1. trust Has Been broken
If the trust in your relationship has been damaged or broken, don’t sit around waiting for it to magically fix itself. Get into couples counseling so you can learn to rebuild and repair the trust.
Whenever there is a major breach of trust, such as an affair, there is usually a need for couples counseling. A well-trained therapist can help you both rebuild the foundation of trust while uncovering the issues that led to the broken trust. They can teach you how to ask the right questions that will lead to a more deeper connection and possibly even deeper level of trust.
2. Increasing frequency of arguments
Fighting is not necessarily a sign that you need couples counseling. In fact, respectful arguing is part of a healthy relationship. However, if it seems like it’s happening all the time, it’s time to find an awesome therapist and get into couples counseling.
It is no secret that arguments are a part of a healthy relationship. But when you start having frequent, intense, disrespectful blow-outs, it’s time to ask for help. When the fighting and intensity of fighting begins to increase, it often means significant problems are under the surface. A well-trained marriage counselor can teach you how to communicate effectively and uncover the real issues.
3. You’ve experienced a devastating event
Life can be brutal at times throwing all sorts of shit at us. If you and your partner are dealing with a significant loss or some other devastating event, couples counseling can help to ensure you stay connected and don’t drift apart.
Life often throws things at us that are hard to rebound from. Whether it’s a financial loss or the loss of a loved one, such as the loss of a child, the trauma can change the way you and your partner relate to one another. Couples counseling can offer you and your partner the space to communicate safely and make sure you stay connected and support each other through the difficult period.
Life is short. But you don’t want your relationship or marriage to be. If you and your partner are experiencing any of these warning signs, or just feel like things could be better, find an awesome therapist you like and trust to help you sort things out.
James Killian, LPC is the Principal Therapist & Owner of Arcadian Counseling in New Haven, CT where they specialize in helping over-thinkers, high achievers, and perfectionists reduce stress, increase fulfillment and enhance performance so they can move From Surviving To Thriving.