Finding the right therapist can be life-changing. When it works, therapy becomes a space where you can take off the armor, think out loud, and confront the things that weigh you down—with someone who actually gets it. Being aware of the therapy red flags can also enhance your experience.
But not every therapist is a good fit. And if you’re a professional man used to handling things yourself, it can be hard to know whether therapy is actually helping or just going through the motions. Recognizing potential therapy red flags can be crucial in this process.
If you’ve been searching for therapy for men or scrolling through “therapist near me” listings wondering why something feels off, these therapy red flags might help you get clarity.
1. They Talk About Themselves… A Lot
A little self-disclosure can build trust. But if your therapist constantly turns the focus back to their own life, stories, or opinions, it’s a problem. Therapy should be about your goals – not their last vacation or what their ex said.
2. They Seem Distracted or Checked Out
If they’re glancing at their phone, zoning out, or just giving you the occasional “mmhmm” while you open up about real struggles – you’re not getting what you signed up for. You deserve full presence, not partial attention.
3. You Feel Judged or Ashamed
Therapy is not a performance review. If you leave sessions feeling worse about yourself – criticized, ashamed, or like you’ve failed – you’re not in a psychologically safe space. Growth requires challenge, not shame.
4. They Keep Giving Advice Instead of Helping You Think
You probably don’t need another person telling you what to do. A solid therapist helps you develop insight, think critically, and connect with your own values – not just hand you quick answers.
5. They Cross Boundaries
Friendly is good. Over-familiar is not. If your therapist wants to meet outside of sessions, shares personal problems, or texts you like a buddy, it’s a red flag. Boundaries exist to protect the work – not to keep it cold, but to keep it clean.
6. They Disregard Your Identity or Beliefs
A good therapist meets you where you are. If they mock your faith, politics, masculinity, or life experience – or try to impose their worldview – that’s a problem. The work should support who you are, not erase it.
7. No Direction, No Goals, No Plan
If therapy feels like the same loop every week with no movement, it’s time to ask why. A strong therapist will help you identify goals, track progress, and occasionally zoom out to ask: Is this working for you?
8. They’re Vague About Credentials
You have a right to know who you’re working with. If they can’t explain their training, licensure, or therapeutic approach – or if you can’t find them in your state’s licensing database – walk away.
9. They Can’t Handle Feedback
Therapy isn’t always comfortable – but it should be collaborative. If you voice a concern and your therapist gets defensive, avoids it, or blames you? That’s a bad sign. A good therapist welcomes feedback and uses it to strengthen the work.
10. You Just Don’t Feel Safe or Understood
Sometimes, it’s not dramatic. Sometimes you just know: this isn’t it. If you feel talked over, dismissed, or your therapist doesn’t really get what it’s like to be you – a high-functioning, under-pressure guy with a lot on his shoulders – trust that gut feeling.
Therapy works best when it feels like a partnership. If you can’t be real in the room, progress will always be limited.
Looking for Therapy That Actually Fits?
If you’re a professional man juggling pressure, expectations, and internal stress no one else sees – I specialize in therapy for men like you. Men who want to move from surviving to actually living. No fluff. No judgment. Just focused work on what matters most to you.
James Killian, LPC is the owner of Arcadian Counseling, a private practice in Greater New Haven, CT, specializing in helping over-thinkers, high achievers, and perfectionists reduce stress, increase fulfillment, and enhance performance — so they can move From Surviving to Thriving. He primarily works with professional men navigating high-pressure careers and meaningful life transitions. His approach blends psychological insight with real-world experience to support men in reclaiming clarity, strength, and purpose.