Addiction of any kind can be a life ruiner and a relationship killer – especially porn addiction. Did you know that an estimated that 40 million Americans visit porn sites regularly? While opinions may vary on whether or not this number is a problem, most mental health professionals agree that pornography addiction likely plays a large part in those numbers.
You might think that porn addiction is a problem only with men. And you would be wrong. While, most research suggests that yes, more men view porn than women, porn addition can affect any gender or orientation. Looking at pornography isn’t a problem by itself. In some cases, it can be a great way to enhance a couple’s sex life. But if you’re concerned that your partner has developed a porn addiction, here are some signs to look out for.
4 signs of porn addiction
1. They Spend a lot of time on the Internet in Private
If your partner spends a lot of time on the internet in privacy, it may be a sign they have a porn addiction.
Spending a lot of time alone on the internet can be a sign of many problems, and porn addiction is certainly one them. If you feel like your partner spends significant amounts of time, in private, on the computer, phone, or tablet, it’s possible they may be developing a porn addiction.
2. They’re more critical of your body or in the bedroom
If your partner is becoming overly critical of your body or in the bedroom, it’s possible they could be spending too much time looking at pornography.
Porn stars are typically young and attractive with surgical (or photoshopped) enhancements. So it’s only natural that the more your partner watches pornography, the more they may negatively compare you to the models their watching – often, without even realizing it.
If your partner is struggling with a porn addiction, they might objectify you, and as they spend increasing amounts of time watching porn, they may start to become critical of your body or your behaviors in the bedroom.
3. Strange Charges on your credit statements
Unexplained charges on your credit card statement? Adult websites show up on statements with strange names in an attempt to protect the privacy of their customers.
If you start to notice unexpected or strange charges on your credit statements, it may be a sign of porn addiction (or other nefarious activity ????). Pornography sites typically disguise the charges to protect their customers. Obviously strange charges on your credit statements could mean a variety of things such as identify theft. However, a simple Google search or some phone calls will quickly reveal the source of the charges.
4. They’re less interested in sex or Acting different in bed
If your sex life has recently changed and it seems like your partner is not as interested in sex, it could be a sign of a pornography addiction – among other things.
When someone has a porn addiction, they often lose interest in a healthy sex life with their partner. Conversely, some people who spend too much time looking at pornography become more demanding of their partners. Maybe they want to do things in the bedroom you’re not comfortable with. Chronic viewing of porn often requires people to need increasingly unusual acts to get aroused. This could result in your partner becoming more aggressive or strange in the bedroom.
What should you do if you think your partner is addicted to porn? First, develop an understanding of addiction and how and why it develops. And no, they didn’t develop a porn addiction because you’re “not good enough in bed.” People develop addictions as a way of coping with unwanted feelings and emotions, or as a way to avoid stressors and problems.
Start by confronting your partner in a respectful manner. Express your concerns and how their behavior is affecting you. Make it about you, not them. This will help prevent them from becoming defensive and the conversation turning into an argument, fight, or worse.
Then be very clear about your needs and what they can do to meet them.
If you’re not sure how to approach your partner it might be helpful to talk to a professional such as a therapist for guidance and support. Sometimes getting objective feedback, as well as some strategies, is all it takes to address the issue.
James Killian, LPC is the Principal Therapist & Owner of Arcadian Counseling in New Haven, CT where they specialize in helping over-thinkers, high achievers, and perfectionists reduce stress, increase fulfillment and enhance performance so they can move From Surviving To Thriving.