Famous author Shannon L. Alder once said, “The real warriors in this world are the ones that see the details of another’s soul.” What she wrote was an accurate description of a highly sensitive person, a trait found in about 20 percent of the world’s population. You don’t see them and interact with them every day, but you definitely have at least one person in your circle with such a peculiarity.
It may not seem like such a big deal when it is your friend or colleague or a distant relative, but what if it is a person you have to deal with every day till death do you part?
How to deal with an Highly sensitive husband?
When dealing with an HSP partner, you need to remember that they notice everything, and it gets exhausting. Your slightest mood swing won’t go unnoticed by your overly emotional spouse. If the tone of your voice has shifted while you were arguing, know that it will matter. Highly sensitive people feel even insignificant changes and perceive them differently.
“It’s not what you said. It’s the way you said it…” – Friends. Season 6. Episode 8.
Sometimes it may feel like too much, but know that communication is the key; you just need to know how to do it properly. In this article, you will learn how to deal with an HSP in a relationship, especially in marriage.
1. Know the Achilles’ heel of your highly sensitive Husband
As you may already know from dealing with highly sensitive people, they are not at all the same. Some HSPs are sensitive to lights and sounds, some are recognized by the difficulties they may have with transitions and change, others feel more drained than a regular person after spending time around big groups of people. Even if you can see that it might sometimes be a problem for your husband to handle crowded places and people with different moods and energy, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he is introverted. These are also the traits and characteristics common for an overly sensitive person.
It will be much easier for you to communicate with your spouse if you are aware of the conditions that might exacerbate the situation for your husband and thus keep it under control.
2. Never judge or criticize
Have you ever noticed that your husband may sometimes overreact to criticism? Of course, it is impossible to avoid conflicts all the time, and we all know that positive criticism is a good thing, but your words matter. When living with an highly sensitive husband, you get used to choosing for your judgment or criticism. Communication issues may arise quite often and may surely lead to an end of your relationship unless you have enough wisdom and thoughtfulness to address an HSP partner with love and respect. You don’t have to lie or avoid conflicts by any means; however, you can think through what you’re going to say and how you will say it. All in all, no one likes to be criticized or judged.
3. Do not expect to outsmart your HSP partner
HSP people are highly intuitive and are experienced enough to go with their gut. Being overly sensitive, a person can process and analyze the information around them so fast and accurately that there is no way for you to get away with the lies. Unless you have total control over your body language and the words are worked out beforehand, you stand no chances in this conflict. Communication is the key, so you better use it wisely.
4. Know when to leave your HSP husband alone
Every person is different. However, it is commonly believed that men need more personal space than women. We all need our bubble where we can rest and reduce stress from our daily challenges. You won’t need to spend your monthly paycheck on family therapists if you just get the signals right. When you see your husband trying to distance or avoid confrontation, or all interactions at all, maybe it’s time to give him some space. He will definitely appreciate that time to recharge, and you will get your loving and caring husband again in no time.
5. Don’t let your HSP partner overthink
Unless you communicate with your partner, they may overthink just about everything. We all know how it happens: you drive the car, thinking about something your boss mumbled to you at that meeting, and when your highly sensitive husband tries to talk to you and all you give him are unrelated yes/no answers. For him, your reaction may be a bit confusing, and as he gets the mixed signals, he begins to overthink. Nothing good can ever come from overthinking and excessive stressing out over the unknown. If your husband is a highly sensitive person, never leave him guessing. It is much easier to speak your mind, showing him that you actually care.
6. Let him take his time to decide
For a highly sensitive person, it may be necessary to take a bit more time to consider all pros and cons. It’s not like he needs forever to make any decision in his life, but you need to learn how to be patient.
Buying a new car? Your highly sensitive husband will need to process all the options. Getting a pet? All the risks must be taken into consideration. Going for a vacation? Let’s think it through. But when he makes a final decision, you can be sure that it is an informed one. You won’t have to worry about the outcomes; your HSP husband has already taken care of that.
7. Don’t take everything he says or does too seriously
HSP people can be moody. They get overwhelmed quite often, and during these phases, it may be hard for them to control everything they say or do. If your husband answers you rather harshly after a long day, you need to understand that you are not the problem here. It doesn’t mean that your relationship is in danger or that he doesn’t love you anymore, and it’s not a marriage issue either. It may be hard but try not to take their mood swings personally. We all have them; however, they may feel a lot harder for an overly sensitive person. Try to be understanding and caring, give them some time and check in with them later.
8. Make your HSP husband feel like he belongs
Living with an HSP partner, you learn that they feel different about everything in the world. Beauty and pain are much more intense and even overwhelming for them. You may suppose that it can’t be that intense, while they don’t get it how you cannot feel the same way. Being a man, you are taught from a young age to be masculine, hide your sensitivity and emotions, and finally show them the only thing you hope for is understanding. When your HSP husband feels insecure about being sensitive – make him feel like he belongs, and reassure him that he is perfect just the way he is and that you do care about his feelings.
9. Body language matters
Be aware of what is happening to your husband by observing and interpreting his body language correctly. Learn his gestures and how to decipher them as they may tell you much more than your highly sensitive husband does. He may not be in the mood to tell you what is going on in his head, but his body sure does. Be attentive, and you will learn how to communicate with your husband without playing the guessing game.
10. Know when to pause
And lastly, with a highly sensitive husband, you should know how to deal with them when an intense fight occurs. Having a conflict with your overly sensitive husband, you may not recognize straight away that he is not that good with pressure and impatience. Sometimes you should pause the conflict for the sake of you both. Don’t forget that your comfort also matters, and you also need to have some space to recharge. Believe it or not, you will be surprised by how effective these pauses can turn out to be.
Living with an highly sensitive husband may be hard, but it has its incredible benefits of having the most caring, loving, and understanding partner in the world. These 10 tips will help you understand him a little better, making it much easier to communicate with them. And don’t forget that communication is the key to a happy and successful marriage.
Natalie Maximets is a certified life coach and a contributing writer at OnlineDivorce.com. She helps people survive fundamental life changes and improve interpersonal relationships.